Dear World,
I didn't retreat entirely or go live in a cave, but I did step down from a few projects, stepped back from planning and committing, and stayed a while in that uncomfortable place of not knowing. I am disheartened by so many people's inability to see deaf babies and Deaf people as human first, and different from the majority second. And, especially, parents who do not accept their visual babies as differently abled, but as deficient and needing to be fixed.
With my discouragement, often self doubts appear and questions about who am I to think I can write and speak and spark any change in a war, that has been waging against deaf babies ever since someone tried to educate a deaf child. In the past, I respond with more activity and more involvement and drive myself more. The last two months, I did not.
I decided to stay in the "I don't know" place. I squirmed, I chased away black clouds, I squelched my impulses to run away or jump into another battle, and I sat. It helped that my foot has been hurting and I couldn't walk most of the time, but, mostly, I was training myself to face uncomfortable truths, to look inside of me to improve my tolerance for differences, my receptive and acceptance skills, and my abilities to change. I discovered (surprise, surprise) that it is much harder than attempting to influence others to change.
And, that is why it is so uncomfortable.
It is absolutely necessary to face inward with honesty in order to move forward with honesty, to face inward with compassion to move forward with compassion, to face inward with forgiveness and love, to move forward with forgiveness and love, and to align our inner principles in order to move forward from an integrated foundation.
Onward, forward to the fray, but slower and more consciously,
susan "I don't know" schaller
Hi Susan! I heard your spot on Radiolab. What a great story. I recently took my very first class in ASL (at Glendale Community College, with Kimberly Smith-Whetter, who was an *awesome* and fun teacher). I don't know how I made it through 30+ years on earth not knowing the things she taught me about Deaf culture. I feel richer for knowing that little bit (it was only a 5-week course) and now and then when I find someone who, like me, was ignorant of Deaf etiquette and traditions, I try to teach them what I know. You're not alone. And though I'm nowhere near expert as you are, I hope you can take heart that I'm pushing in the same direction. :D
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